Chicken breaks into class; delivers goods

Wylde Q. Chicken made a dramatic entrance into the U. S. History Seminar class at University High School this morning, brandishing a tote bag and cackling "11:02!" To the astonishment of the assembled students, he expressed outrage that the History class had not won the coveted "Coloring Outside the Lines" award this year, and announced that he had decided to take matters into his own hands.

The Chicken delivered a short but impassioned speech, in which he blasted the "self-absorbed" Class of 1972, which sponsors the annual award, for heaping indignities upon him during the early 1970's, such as keeping him confined to a dank locker and electing him Class President.

He then reflected on the "wyldeness" exhibited by this year's History Seminar class. "I have to say that you guys remain my humble (cluck, cluck) personal favorite," said a visibly moved Chicken. "The bonds that you have created out of a (sniff, sniff) simple watch alarm tug at my heartstrings."

The students were delighted to receive certificates to commemorate their Psychomatically Jacked-Up Bonding experience, along with keepsake chicken keychains. Seminar instructor Bill Sutton also received the "Poopy Toothbrush" award, with a chicken keychain and... a new toothbrush.

Wylde bid the class a fond farewell before fleeing the building, cackling and molting profusely. He then barged into this reporter's office, brandishing a loaded semi-automatic digital camera, and, under threat of bodily rearrangement, proceeded to dictate an account of the incident to be posted on the web.